Grains of Sand

Ponder

2011-12-23T02:03:00.000-05:00

Perfect opportunity for the moment

Incessant pains drinking up the tears of sorrow
Contusions bruising up and trust issues to follow
The scars and the scabs can't be picked like sores
While the dirt and grime is filling all your pores
It seems the devil will find any entry way to become a stowaway
N ur defense is so lackluster the game cud just be a throw away
With forced thoughts and actions
That cause the people to enforce riots and sanctions
The sinner freely roams with the devil's factions
So true satisfaction goes to the instigator
Who figures he cracked the mystery of humans like investigators
But the duality of life is it could be minor or major
And the results are solely determined by wagers

Slayer

2011-11-02T22:39:00.000-04:00

This is just one of many spoken word pieces I have written ever. I'll try to post them up as often as I can but the usual occurrence happens to put those pieces on a permanent hold. Once I do finish up something, it shall be up. Till then, enjoy this!

First off they ask me what constitutes a slayer?
Personal raps coupled with personal prayers
Words are like onions gotta peel at the layers
Fumigate an O so I guess I'll see y'all later
Success is like yin n yang is all my haters
Trying to decipher my stance like the GOP debaters
But u can't take a seat til you've been greeted by a waiter
The beauty's been cratered n the lambs have been catered
While the lions roam free it's cold blooded like a gator
So my homie ask me what u running from this life for
N I answer so I can save money like geico
N go so fast that life's never lived with my eyes closed
Ride slow and then just see life glow
No need to rush n soon become extinct like dino
So I told my homie that life ain't always blessed
But it just might be depending on the level of ur stress
Or the will to self-reflect about the actions that are addressed
All in all life's just a naked person waiting to get dressed
And no chains or buckles shud hold u down
While the portrayal of yourself is akin to a clown

Picture yourself...

2011-10-11T22:41:00.007-04:00

...driving down a lonesome road that curves through the landscape and stretches to the ends of the horizon. The drop-top is brought out for this trivial adventure, which begins as spontaneously as the track that is reverberating through your headphones. The vibe's heavily influenced by that surefire banger*, and the scenario resembles the pacific coast highway during a summer sunset.

The passenger seat is hoisting a breath-taking shorty, with an even more fierce personality than her looks. She's an epitome of a lady: beautiful [not just looks], elegant, real. She could be anywhere else in the world, but she's riding right next to you. So don't question your worth because it's just right for her to be interested.

What's next? Just ride out. Don't let trivial thoughts cloud your head. Be you, and punch the accelerator while you let the breeze through.

*Nobody's Perfect. J.Cole ft Missy Elliott

Weathering the Storm

2011-06-22T23:58:00.000-04:00

The weather has recently started warming up, diminishing the anger and frustration of winter weather. Honestly, I do not mind the winter when it lasts about 3 months, not 6!! <-- random to the max.

Anyways, I have been thinking about life on a whole another level lately. I feel that things are very temporary nowadays, whether it's relationships, life, or content days. There is nothing negative about this statement, it's just the sad reality of 2011. Recently, I took a step back and visualized the world, and just studied the trends that appear everywhere. Not literally, but hypothetically.

I realized that life is summarized and categorized by a series of checks and balances that sort through our daily activities. Every clock follows a pattern, from our biological clocks and the gregorian clock/calendar to the clock of our planet's revolution. Sequences on a computer as well are composed of an intricate and complex language created by the arrangement of 0's and 1's. In the range of patterns that encircle life's endeavors, there are a few points that can be made that are apparent.

Without the relationships that we share with other people, life is severely cold. Family, friends, and guardians ensure that we march on forward when reality ends up jerking us back, bringing about a change in our character. It is quite obvious that hardships during our existence mold us into stronger beings while the company of dear ones helps us achieve some sort of balance in this unbalanced world.

At this stage of life, I am content with the way things are going. Of course, there can always be improvements that can be made, externally or internally. However, I believe I have the right tools, guidance, and efforts ready to achieve some sort of satisfaction and success. My weaknesses and flaws are the only possible components that can hinder my accomplishments [Let's not forget that God provides success to all those who seek it, so I cannot sit here and make you possibly believe that my efforts alone will bring it about].

It's 2011, and quite obvious that there have been hardships in the past, and will be hardships to come. But, at the end of the day, it's all about weathering the storm.

Endure

2011-05-19T23:00:00.000-04:00

Before venturing into another adventure through the universe of my thoughts, I have a public service announcement for y'all. 'Life teaches you shit... and that shit can be truly hurtful'. Of course, this is a motto that's accepted in all social circles. However, I wanted to reiterate this because I feel a need to stress the purpose of this post: Life teaches you shit...

...and that shit can be truly hurtful. There are certain situations that one envisions in the moments spent alone. And quite often, one of these thoughts becomes a reality, which tends to leave everlasting results in one's life. This is when one usually encounters a crossroad: whether to respond by a white flag or focused aggression.

Folding under the negative situation can be understood, but this reaction rarely brings about positive results. Instead, utilizing one's anger to churn out results can be quite rewarding. This is not a guidance blog though. This is the ideal scenario. Endure, appreciate, bestow. Endure the challenges life throws at us, appreciate what we've been blessed with, and bestow upon yourself and others the positivity to get through some situations.

Good day to you all.

Unchartered Territory

2011-03-10T19:54:00.001-05:00

It seems like every other piece I post on here explains some type of hiatus I have been experiencing. It is all about keeping a schedule and routine that one must follow. Sadly, I have to say that my attempts have failed miserably. Oh well. No point making excuses about trivial manners.

There have been a lot of incidents that have occurred in the past six months that have temporarily and permanently affected me. This should not be news to you folks since I feel like I experience euphoric moments that alter my life's pathway irrevocably on a daily basis. However, these are not ordinary occurrences. This period of time has truly tested my abilities to stay afloat the sinking ship of reality. Sheltered by my naive state of mind, I was barricaded from the forces lurking in this world that were determined to infiltrate my existence and severely damage it. These forces I speak of are fate and destiny.

The departure of a young soul whose potential's immeasurable is tragic. After my best friend passed away, I seemed to enter a black hole where no matter, time, or feelings existed. I took it so hard especially since such a good dude had left this world. The tragic loss pulled me away from everything I used to do on a regular basis. I guess after losing a brother-like figure, things like that tend to happen.

However, I feel that is not the positive way to deal with this. I want to remake an entrance back to blogging. Something I took for granted, it is an art that truly satisfies me. And as my boy Allan would have wanted, he would not want me to give up things that mean so much to me; even with the people around me that I should not take lightly. After harboring my fragile self in a shell, I want to push out of that shell of sorrow and grief, and turn this moment into a triumph. Blogging is my zen, words are my therapy. Why not turn my life back around, and use my therapies to my own advantage? Keep on reading, folks. There's more in store.

R.I.P. Allan aka my brother. Gone but never forgotten.

Closeout

2010-08-31T22:54:00.019-04:00

The month of August is winding down and as the last few hours tick on while the sands of time keep sliding away, it is a time to reminisce and prepare; to perceive and project; to enthrall and enrapture. The anticipation of wondering which and what portions of your experiences have been altered by the events taking place in the past 30 days is intriguing.

The promulgation of change occurring in the depths of my existence has been quite conspicuous. I cannot comment on the severity of the occurrence or what types of impacts it will have on future encounters/situations, but I can guarantee that it has grasped the true perimeters of reality. Taking negative indignant events with positive gallant experiences represents what life is all about.

There are three degrees of amendments that defined the degree of my rise or demise. It referred to my attitude, my interactions, and my general direction. However, now I feel this reflection won't just captivate the time August exists for, but from the moments when I noticed the interior of my being adapting to the type of life I was living.

As a matter of fact, each person's life complements the layers contained in the anatomy of a tree. Outer membranes are the physical results left by the stops and stations in this journey while the inner sections reflect the emotional, mental, and spiritual characteristics of that being. The roots of all persons are their morals and ethics, which might frequently coincide with their religious beliefs. It is metaphorical to a strong foundation leading to stable and sturdy happenings.

Attitudes mirror the aggressiveness of the person staring into the reflection. However, the mirror itself might skew the results, due to levels of refraction from the environment and the upbringing in today's society. I must say, my fruition into who I am today has encountered a few setbacks; whether it was beneficiary or not, I will never know. Fate meant it to happen, and as if it was written in stone, the proceedings were eventually just a faded memory. Previously, I leaned more towards the likes of being laid back and having a nonchalant perception. However, recently I seem to have adopted a more passionate stance on dealings and incidents; a change that quite a few people have noticed in me. Again, the consequences [good or bad] are not delved into, but it was fated.

Socializing with others has been a skill I have amplified ever since I was a freshman. Why it took me until college to utilize fully is a thought for another day. Level one initiated back in fall 2007 when I stepped onto the realms of undergraduate life. The main purpose was to meet and greet as many unknown characters that lurked the streets and classes of Temple. Those strangers became acquaintances, acquaintances became buddies, buddies became close friends, and close friends became an important part of my college career. Now phase two of this change seems to be washing over me. I have saturated the search of meeting, [not a task that has stopped now but will continue] and have figured out the personable and spiritual anatomies of all my friends. Through the passing of moments, I discovered how to interact with them, but in a better and proper manner, a manner that suits their anatomies. This was a task that I could not rush into, but had to slowly customize into my train of thought. Confidence has started spewing in the way I carry myself, a feat I am proud of. Public speaking was not a forte of mine; however, being able to currently carry conversations which attract the inner satisfaction of completion is always a plus.

An intuitive way of predicting one's future is glancing at the actions of his/her past. More often than not, this is the case. However, reflecting and reminiscing on my past to look for answers about my future will attain more questions and inquiries. This is because my past has been estranged to my present life, which is not necessarily a good or bad thing. Experimentation of different existences and unique pathways has been a task I have embarked on for quite some time. The direction in life I am heading towards is curiosity. I am curious to see what the path of curiosity has in store for me in the future, as the present results consist of self awareness, but not self-application. As a matter of fact, since our birth, grasping reality and everything surrounding it for us has been similar to a sponge absorbing as much water as possible. We do get weighed down by the gallons of experiences we encounter and absorb, but can squeeze out unnecessary dealings and memories to make room for new absorptions. Currently, I am at a position where I have not stopped absorbing experiences and memories because there is still so much I want to achieve/embark on.

Changes in individual existences have been inevitable since the initiation of human beings. Evolution, adaptation and implementation of innovative endeavors have defined the roots of people. I want to implement my desires in my life. I desire to travel the world, meet and greet individuals from different backgrounds, soak in new cultures and beliefs, and teach my learnings to others. This establishes a cycle of gain for all the parties involved. In conclusion, I am living an individualistic lifestyle established by yours truly; and I am loving it.

Quotes

2010-08-16T21:42:00.001-04:00

I was venturing through some quotes today. After some searching, I decided to look up quotes pertaining to 'grains of sand'. I found two particular quotes that stood out like a South Asian in shape. HAHA. Anyway, check them out and let me know what you people think.

To see a world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour. William Blake

^ This is actually not just a quote. It is part of a long poem by William Blake called Auguries of Innocence.

Write injuries in sand, kindnesses in marble. French Proverb

Change

2010-08-15T17:53:00.005-04:00

The weather during this summer has been quite extreme. Long streaks of heat waves, thunderstorms, heavy rainfall, etc. However, ever since this past Wednesday, there has been a different trend. A new breeze has arrived, lighter rainfall, decreased heat patterns, and cooler temperatures.

The arrival of Ramadan has been more than just a spiritual awakening for us all. The environment has followed suit as well. It's metaphorical to the cooling effect this month has upon us all. Although I have lost my cool a couple of times during the first few days, [drivers need to learn how to drive properly] it has been quite a peaceful week.

Fasting has not been a burden on me. As a matter of fact, it's something I have been looking forward to this past summer. You might ask why. Let's just say the trials and tribulations I was facing were a little more than overwhelming for me, so a month when I can put the world on the back burner and focus on myself is very welcome. It is a time to gaze at the reflection and wonder if the progress one sees in their own self is encouraging or not. After that discovery, it's up to the individual to decide whether he/she wants to pursue a change or stick to the status quo of his own existence. It's a choice that's always available. Never forget that.

Shaking My Head

2010-08-14T23:50:00.002-04:00

There was a fundraiser for the flood victims of Pakistan today in New Jersey. The dinner itself was free, but donations were highly recommended and encouraged. So much so that in between the breaking of the fast [Iftar] and dinner, there were a few individuals who spoke asking us to reach deep inside our hearts to help out our fellow beings in need. So you ask, where does the part come in where I am shaking my head?

Well, it came precisely in between Iftar and dinner. People were losing their patience because dinner was being delayed so that the REAL purpose of the evening could be carried out in an orderly fashion. To top that off, when dinner was being served, the amount of food people stacked on their plates easily outweighed their appetites.

I'm not criticizing the individuals who were anxious to eat, but I just wish they would stop and think about the reason they came out tonight. I am sure there were people who came out just for the sake of eating, and that is quite embarrassing. Delaying dinner for a few moments just so we could hear about the situation in Pakistan is a futile sacrifice.

One of the speakers truly got to me when he said, "There are 14 million people in Pakistan who have been affected by this disaster. They have lost everything". I felt a chill down my spine when he uttered those words. I pray to God that He eases the suffering for the people in Pakistan, and grant heaven to those who have perished. Ameen.

Good night ya'll. Be safe.

30 Mosques

2010-08-13T00:59:00.002-04:00

Ramadan comes around only once a year, so it's imperative to make the most of it. I know this idea has been incorporated into practice already, but I decided to experience it personally. 30 mosques in 30 days [or 29 mosques in 29 days]. Visiting different mosques in the area not only diversifies the types of people one meets, but also creates a unique experience for Ramadan.

I know I've mentioned this already, but there is something special about this month for me. Maybe it's the realization of what this month truly means or the fact that I am utilizing it to the best of my abilities. Either way, I am happy to be alive to witness this moment.

In order to keep track of all the mosques I will visit, I decided to make a list for this post. I will regularly add the names of the places I have visited throughout the month. If you get a chance to do something similar to this, please do so. Praying next to different individuals every night is quite interesting. And it would be real cool to tell your friends that you visited 30 mosques in a month!

1. Islamic Society of Greater Philadelphia [Philadelphia, PA]
2. Zubaida Foundation [Yardley, PA]
3. Masjid Al-Jamia [Philadelphia, PA]
4. Islamic Society of Central Jersey [Monmouth Junction, NJ]

Day One

2010-08-12T00:33:00.004-04:00

On your mark, get set, go! Ramadan is finally here and I have to say, 'I got Ramadan fever!' This is also day one of a task I set out to conquer; 30 posts in 30 days. Let's see what types of revelations I encounter during this month long process.

The first day is always the toughest for me; it's not even the food or water that gets me [although around 3pm, my stomach was screaming at me to stuff it]. It's the exhaustion. Similar to a marathon, one cannot start off fasting and expect outstanding results without proper training.

However, the feeling of fasting is sweeter than words can express. As a matter of fact, this whole month has an aura of blessings surrounding it. My soul feels like it's been awoken again, and it could definitely use this refresher and cleansing. The satisfaction of breaking my fast with my fellow Muslims followed by tarawih is unlike anything I've experienced this year.

I feel like I'm truly comprehending the true reasons for excusing ourselves from food, water, and other worldly desires during the course of the day. The sense of peace my heart desires can be reached by secluding it from the desires of this world. But that's for another day.

P.S. If you haven't already noticed so, there's a new header on the top of my page that has truly accentuated my blog. I would like to give a special shout out to Holy Crackers. Just giving credit where it's deserved.

Dusting Off

2010-08-04T23:37:00.002-04:00

Negligence of blogs must be a crime in itself. It has been quite a while since I have walked down the path of self-assessment. I don't blame it on the life that I have been zooming through the past couple of months. I am blessed and thankful that things went as smoothly as they did. I want to apologize to myself and state that I do have regrets; I regret not pouring my thoughts out onto this medium on a consistent basis.

I have to say, these past few months have been very eventful. I won't categorize it as positive or negative. I just would state lots of things have occurred. [I did figure out that I have a taste for classical music.] Random much?

The lack of writing has prevented me from gazing at myself through a mirror, and pondering on the actions and thoughts that have encompassed my life lately. It is something I want to delve into during a timely manner. Generally speaking, minds have been numbed and hearts have hardened. I have seen so many mistakes happening around me lately. Whether I committed them myself or others carried them out, some of them have taken quite a toll on me. It has shaken my trust in others and their capacity to make decisions.

I promise folks that I am not depressed, upset, emo, etc. It's a different type of introspective, one that requires serious pondering and weighing on thoughts. Maybe it should be something I look forward to more often.

Good thing Ramadan is coming. Spiritual levels are at an all-time low.

Over

2010-03-05T23:47:00.002-05:00

Spring break is finally here, [although the season is yet to be found] and my mind is numb from all the facts that we've had to intake from classes. Anyway, since I am such a big fan of hip-hop, and Drake just dropped his new single called 'Over', I decided I would write something for it as well.

Over - by Hydro
Nothing's over yet cos we are just getting started
You're flying high well we are the daily departed
I'ma kill this beat like it's getting martyred
We gonna do this together
Not once have we parted
I'ma bring the D like they're getting heavily guarded
Make u drop on your knees and praise the heavenly father
But that would be some shirk cos there's only one God
While they seated over there applauding some shady fraud
And it's difficult to choose man
A kufi or a broad
Seems like every cut in life just turns into a scar
While u healing up the wounds but the help is sparse
But I'm back to the decisions cos no answer is far
I don't question in the light but I do question in the dark
Cos the enticing rises up and ends up leaving their mark
And we back at square one where we end up splitting apart
So I can finally pick up the pieces of my entirely shattered heart

Network

2010-03-01T21:45:00.003-05:00

When I started putting my thoughts down on html [hehe] a few months ago, I never would have thought about the type of foundation this would have created.

As the journey has unfolded for me to discover my writing tendencies as well as my trains of thoughts, I have met individuals with dynamic qualities. And for a person like me, reading up on thoughts and perspectives from other beings is quite intriguing. This mainly might be due to the fact that I consider myself a creative type of person, whether it is in writing, drawing, or other art fields.

You should definitely check out what they have to say about the infinite topics that range through the ability of their learned language. Some of the blogs I read up on are underneath the blog list. I definitely want to start a network between friends and family that I know who blog. It will be one big family of writers [minus the critical acclaims].

Alter Ego

2010-02-21T23:36:00.001-05:00

"Wow, that's your blog? I never knew you could write like that."

That's a common response I get when people hear about/read my blog. For the most part, I don't blame them. My posts versus the way I carry myself hint at two distinct personalities. Does this mean I'm bipolar or do I have a dual personality? It is quite the opposite.

Every situation has its own platform. I don't believe flaunting all your characteristics in each setting is necessary. There are times where one is going to be in a specific social scenario, and discussing moral issues and political stances tends to invite looks of confusion and a few snickers.

When I meet up with my friends, I always go with the mindset of having a good time and relaxing. I usually try to get together with them every Friday and then pick a place to go out and eat [Saad's is always a primary destination]. We share stories, have a few laughs, etc.

However, I do want to clear up a misunderstanding that some of you might have developed while reading this post. I've had conversations with buddies that have been serious. It's not all jokes. But for the most part, the forum where I sit down and unwind my thoughts is right here; this is like my Pensieve for expression [HP reference]. This is a place where I can ponder on thoughts, and write them down after thoroughly thinking it through.

'I'd prefer to be a writer rather than a vocalist/ So my pen is my fighter cos right now my throat is sick'
I wrote that to describe my preference to discussing issues behind a pen instead of voicing them. That is why I consider this blog my conscious alter-ego.

Deeper Cuts

2010-02-12T22:12:00.003-05:00

Forgive and forget was a frequently used phrase through my days of childhood. If mistakes were committed and words were exchanged, situations were resolved after a few hours of separation and reconciliations occurred with no efforts. I have to admit, through those days, I had said and acted on things I'm not too proud of. However, I buried the hatchet with the involved parties sooner than later.

That was then and this is now. I feel forgive and forget is a practice that no longer is accepted. As individuals grow up, the repercussions of their actions increase to a point on the chart that offer no arbitration.

Is this because age brings about realization? The realization that confirms the assumption of responsibility? The responsibility that should be embedded and etched in our minds; actions in later years carry more weight than previous years? Or could it be that our egos cement the presumption of not accepting mistakes?

It is imperative to note that the world we reside in today is a stern society. Mistakes are considered a sign of weakness, and forgiving those mistakes is considered even weaker. Maybe my perception has been skewed in regards to the way I am looking at this situation. And the true reason people do not forgive and forget is due to the damage their pride would face.

In the end, it's all about being the bigger person and being humble in our actions. Hmm...

IMAN at the Apollo

2010-01-12T00:02:00.002-05:00

Sent by my cousin to me. Hip-hop oriented event led by comedian Azhar Usman. Sounds like a steal for $20! I'm definitely trying to go to this.

IMAN at the Apollo
Special Edition of Community Cafe

Saturday, January 23rd, 2010
Doors Open: 7:30pm, Show Starts: 8:30pm
The Apollo Theater
253 West 125th Street between 7th and 8th Ave I Harlem, New York, USA 10027
A/B/C/D/2/3 to 125th Street

FEATURING

Local sensations and international stars

THE ReMINDers
PROGRESS THEATER

LIZA GARZA & AMIR SULAIMAN

KIDRAGON AND DJ RAICHOUS

SUMAIYYAH & ZEESHAN

Special Guest Appearance By

MOS DEF

Hosted by Azhar Usman

DON'T MISS OUT! $20 GENERAL ADMISSION
www.imancentral.org

IMAN is proud to bring this special edition of Community Cafe to the World Famous Apollo Theater! The Apollo, a source of pride and symbol of artistic brilliance, has turned amateurs into stars and made dreams come true. Now, as Muslim Americans continue to develop their identity as a positive force in America, IMAN at the Apollo promises to be a fascinating chronicle in this history.

The Inner-City Muslim Action Network (IMAN) is a community based non-profit that works for social justice, delivers a range of direct services, and cultivates the arts in urban communities.

$20 Tickets

Purchase Online www.imancentral.org

For more info:

www.imancentral.org

apollo@imancentral.org

Instrumental

2009-12-25T08:21:00.005-05:00

"The same ones that took away his voice
And just left this instrumental, like that"

That right there is a portion of one of my favorite Lupe songs called "The Instrumental". It's not your typical hip-hop cut in terms of the sound of it, but the message portrayed through the lyrics represents the epitome and purpose of hip-hop music: awareness.

There are two verses to Instrumental, and if you look at the lyrics carefully, you will notice the similarity in both verses. It's because the subject matter is the same; however, two different individuals are discussed. The first one is using "the box" to break his obsession of "the box", but instead he delves deeper into it. The second individual is addicted to the box, and ignores any other source of information given to him/her.

The lyrics are simple, but this is a perplexed situation. All of us represent both types of individuals, but this does not mean we are bipolar, which might seem to be the case. We all harbor multiplex personalities, and at different points, discrepant behaviors are apparent.

The obsession with the escape from the box of the first individual is complementary to a person addicted to smoking trying to quit. Their argument states they will quit by smoking less everyday; however, instead of escaping the grips of nicotine's 'chains and locks', they are dragged down deeper into addiction. Although the box represents TV, radio, or the media, in this example, it is the nicotine that is the microbe for disaster. The first individual unfortunately is stuck in this loop of infinite continuation that will not end till it devours him completely. The second individual in this example would increase the usage and abuse of smoking, and block any sources of rehab that would constitute the betterment of his/her intoxicating addiction.

Now, some of the metaphors used in this song are quite intriguing. The chains and locks represent an intense connection of love. The first individual loves to hate the box because of his/her inherent slavery to it while the second individual is deeply infatuated with their bond. Then, the doctors are the inhabitants in everyone's lives that note the predicaments, but offer no solution.

The removal of the voice: well, this is an interesting piece of information. I believe that although there are no orchestras present during our day to day ventures, our surroundings represent an orchestra. The rustling of the trees, the howling of the winds, the clapping of the thunder, etc. That is the instrumental in our existence. Now, what we do with our mere existence and presence defines our voice. Whether we enter this overpopulated society and wither away or amplify our dealings is upon us.

Well, that's my two cents. Take a listen and see what you think.

Homicide

2009-12-23T02:26:00.005-05:00

No, I am not being charged for first degree. And if I am, I plead the fifth [chuckle]

This is the homicide OF... cultural prejudices and biases. The dynamics in my family are about to change. No longer is being brown a prerequisite for marrying into the family, although I am sure it will still be recommended. I am ecstatic this has occurred, although my previous generations will not be sharing the same emotions.

For the longest time, I have felt that desi families have been striving to stay homogeneous in terms of the significant other one finds to spend the rest of their lives with. This is not because they have no other choice, but they, along with all humans, resent the unknown. Things they are not familiar with brings about feelings of paranoia and ignorance. The vibe they give off clearly states that the suitor has to be of the same country, state, city, town, district, etc. Anyone else will be flat out refused.

Now what happens when one family member goes against this "cult-like ritual" of homogeneous matchmaking and marries outside the culture? You get a situation that tends to get ugly. The member gets disowned, ties are cut, or the boycott of the wedding day takes place. I think this is ridiculous and it is a problem plaguing our communities because we are becoming so narrow-minded that we are being boxed in by our own identities. Since when does like result in positivity?

I do want to iterate my beliefs regarding marriage. I feel that I would be more compatible with a desi girl, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. However, if someone else is compatible, I encourage their decision in all manners. Culture should not precede religion, especially when desi culture precedes Islamic beliefs of unity and togetherness, regardless of the individual's background.

Jalil's Perspective

2009-12-09T23:42:00.004-05:00

I'm really not going to lengthen this post further by extending comments so here it is; cold cut, dry, and fresh off the presses [chuckle]. My re-write of the scene where Mariam gets told she's marrying Rasheed.

The Banishment of Shame

Morning; the beginning of another day. Daily routines carried out just like a checklist with tasks meant to be completed. The calm weather belied the tumultuous situation about to unfold in Jalil's house today. The sun shone with a fierce and strong beauty, a beauty that was resembled only by the reflection given off by the lake. The mirror image of the actual sun was as though the lake was trying to steal its identity. The aroma of naan (bread) being freshly baked in the kitchen and the flowers in Jalil's ever blooming garden filled the air. Shrubs of marigolds, roses, and tulips brightened the view of Jalil’s garden. The sight of Herat was no different today than it was yesterday, and would be no different tomorrow. The streets were filled with the hustle and bustle of everyday city inhabitants. Local shop owners were pulling up metal shop gates, women were holding their children’s hands while taking them to school, and the milkmen were carrying crates of milk going from door to door.

However, there was tension in the air in Jalil’s abode. All morning long, there was uncertainty and hastiness on the part of his wives. Khadija, Nargis, and Afsoon were all arguing and bickering with Jalil, selling their case and ordering him to listen to them. Mariam was no longer welcome at his house; her presence, initially, was not quite met with open arms.

“Jalil, that harami cannot stay with us!” “We have a reputation to upkeep. If neighbors hear of this bastard child staying in our house, how will we be able to face them?” “That girl is becoming a burden on us. Send her away from our lives just as we did to her pathetic mother.”

Over and over again, Jalil’s past was coming back to haunt him. Just when he thought moving Nana to the kolba far from his sight would help him escape his life of adultery, he realized his mistake had a physical and permanent result: Mariam. Unlike a memory, which eventually fades and decays, her presence could not be unnoticed.

However, Jalil was uncertain of his feelings concerning the matter. Although he felt a sense of shame when it came to his illegitimate daughter, his heart sank a little at the thought of her leaving possibly for good. She was the most loyal daughter he had, a daughter who displayed her love unconditionally every Thursday he visited her. On the other hand, for the sake of his reputation, Jalil could not let her be exposed publicly to the citizens of Herat or all hell would break loose for him and his family. Mariam’s position in his life reminded him of a poem written by the poet, Tariq Nabeel, called “The Banishment of Shame”. Jalil had practically memorized it, and felt a sense of déjà vu when he envisioned it since he currently felt like he was living through it.

An uninvited stranger harbored through the depths of time
Resulting from an inadmissible action similar to a crime
The past cannot return to the present as a gift
The closed encounter had sprung open like a rift
Fate revealed it's uncertainty for what's around the corner
As they stared in her eyes like citizens did to foreigners
The soul was nonexistent like an unsuccessful find
Men who wrongfully penetrated were guilty of statutory against her mind
She represented the ills of society on their volitions
Elected to be the candidate of life's failures under poor conditions
Her presence was unwanted as if she was a stowaway
She yearns to be a nestling that can finally breakaway
No shame felt by the perpetrators in the wrongs they commit
The tears shed were immovable so she finally did quit
In due time the experience and knowledge would be her bid
But for now her ignorance was bliss like the kiss from a misfit kid

The women’s constant sneering and nagging brought Jalil back to his current state. “You three wait down here. I will summon her, and we will collectively tell her the news and let her be on her way,” Afsoon finally declared. “No way do I want my children to be around such a filthy child.” As she made her way upstairs, Jalil and his two other wives settled into the dining room and sat down on the long, dark brown table. A crystal vase of fresh marigolds and a pitcher of water would separate them and Mariam. Jalil overheard Mariam being told by Afsoon to come downstairs as there was something important they had to discuss with her. He realized that it was time, and the issue could no longer be avoided, but was glad that Khadija, Nargis, and Afsoon would basically be doing all the talking.

Subsequently, the women began having meaningless conversations regarding the weather and half-heartedly asking Mariam if she had been comfortable. Jalil could tell Mariam was confused and nervous about the purpose of this meeting. She looked like a prospective individual brought in by the board waiting to be interviewed for the position.

“Well,” Afsoon started. “I – that is, we – have brought you here because we have some very good news to give you.” Mariam’s head shifted up, and it was obvious this had caught her attention. Jalil, on the other hand, was not looking very confident and no longer looked like the wealthiest person in Herat. Conversely, wanting this meeting to be over with, he resembled a poor soul begging for sustenance.

“You have a suitor,” Khadija announced. All three of them were sounding like a group who had rehearsed this conversation clearly before. Jalil was zoning in and out of the conversation. He could feel Mariam’s burning gaze fixed upon him, but he did not have the courage to meet her eyes.

“A khastegar. A suitor. His name is Rasheed,” Khadija continued after Mariam blurted out her response. “He is a friend of a business acquaintance of your father’s. He’s a Pashtun, from Kandahar originally, but he lives in Kabul, in the Deh-Mazang district, in a two-story house that he owns.”

According to Jalil’s memory, a conversation of this caliber had never taken place on this table. The table set aside for meals, a place where his family got together to enjoy the fruits of his wives’ labor. The mood was generally positive, and tension was not necessarily felt while sharing a meal with each other. But this setting, this situation was something Jalil had not encountered since… since the exile of Nana from his house.

“And he does speak Farsi, like us, like you. So, you won’t have to learn Pashto,” Afsoon added. Khadija started explaining his occupation in shoemaking. There was a lot of exaggeration with the way those three were selling Rasheed’s case; but it had to be done or else how could Mariam even be remotely interested?

Then suddenly, Mariam challenged Jalil with questions he did not want to answer. “Is this true? What she’s saying, is it true?” Jalil’s wives ignored her and continued with their assurance that this would be the best thing to happen to Mariam, and added, “He too has had a great loss in his life. His wife, we hear, died during childbirth ten years ago. And then, three years ago, his son drowned in a lake,” Nargis explained.

“I don’t want to. I don’t want this. Don’t make me.” Jalil could hear the pleading tone in her voice, but did not dare look at her or answer. She was making this more difficult on him than ever, and he knew this would not fare well in the end.

Jalil pictured Nana in the place of Mariam, and realized both of them were very similar. Both felt a sense of closeness to Jalil, and wanted his wives to understand that Jalil’s house and heart is big enough to harbor them through the depths of time. This was entirely his fault though. His wrongful penetration had birthed her existence, and this situation was his own doing.

“I’ll live with Mullah Faizullah. He’ll take me in. I know he will.” Khadija butted in to butter the case to Mariam even more. Being all the way in Kabul would practically guarantee the fact that Jalil would never see the result of his mistake ever again. What stood in front of him and this scenario was getting Mariam to realize that she is leaving whether she likes it or not, and the nikka (marriage) between her and Rasheed tomorrow.

“Tell them! Tell them you won’t let them do this.” Mariam was clearly breaking out in a sweat. It was obvious that Jalil would have to say something, but what? The past cannot return to the present as a gift, unless this final trace was sent far away, some six hundred and fifty kilometers away. “Tell them!” she cried.

The room was silent. Jalil was twirling his wedding band, and looked as helpless as ever, and felt all eyes were on him now. The only noise was from the clock behind Jalil, inside the cabinet next to the window.

“Say something,” Mariam begged.

What followed next was a response Jalil was not expecting from himself. He was very stern and said, “Goddamn it, Mariam, don’t do this to me.” It was time for Mariam to leave, along with the baggage of shame that she embodied through every breath and step.

Mariam did not contest Jalil’s statement, which was a surprise. The nikka was all that stood between him and the freedom of all the evidence practically disappearing from his moral crime. He knew Mariam would be upset and devastated by what happened today. But in due time the experience and knowledge would be her bid. She would comprehend why Jalil had to do what he had to do. Nana understood it, and now it was Mariam’s turn to grasp the reality that she was not meant to be in this household. She was not meant to be a part of Jalil’s life anymore.

A Thousand Splendid Moons

2009-12-07T18:33:00.003-05:00

Hmmm... if you're pondering what I'm pondering, [Pinky] then I did bite off Khaled Hosseini's critically acclaimed novel's title. However, there is a little twist to it. It has to do with my IH [Intellectual Heritage] assignment.

Our final paper had to incorporate one of the books we read during the second half of the semester. I obviously picked Khaled's book because it is one of the most incredible pieces of literature I have ever read. His style of writing is exceptional that he has mastered. His vivid descriptions, dramatic emotions, and humane characters balances out the reality through which the book took place. That right there was my mini-review of the book.

Anyway, I had to take one of the scenes from the book and tell it from another character's perspective. I chose the scene where Mariam is told she is marrying Rasheed and moving to Kabul. I told it from Jalil's point of view. I was excited to write this paper because it gave me a chance to flex my creative bells and whistles. Additionally, I wrote a poem that Jalil reflects upon during the duration of the scene.

The Banishment of Shame

An uninvited stranger harbored through the depths of time
Resulting from an inadmissible action similar to a crime
The past cannot return to the present as a gift
The closed encounter had sprung open like a rift
Fate revealed it's uncertainty for what's around the corner
As they stared in her eyes like citizens did to foreigners
The soul was nonexistent like an unsuccessful find
Men who wrongfully penetrated were guilty of statutory against her mind
She represented the ills of society on their volitions
Elected to be the candidate of life's failures under poor conditions
Her presence was unwanted as if she was a stowaway
She yearns to be a nestling that can finally breakaway
No shame felt by the perpetrators in the wrongs they commit
The tears shed were immovable so she finally did quit
In due time the experience and knowledge would be her bid
But for now her ignorance was bliss like the kiss from a misfit kid

If anyone is truly interested in reading the scene I re-wrote, I will post it up. Until next time, stay sharp and classy.

Grains of Sand

2009-12-02T12:24:00.000-05:00

My salutations to the world after the hiatus!

I apologize for being so out of touch, but the pursuit of life has kept me busy. However, with two weeks left of this semester, I definitely will have more time to update this in the coming weeks.

Well, now that I have broken into the world of blogging with a few entries, I feel it's time to address some of the original pieces that are the foundations of my blog.

So what do I mean with the phrase 'grains of sand'? Well, since I was born in the Middle East and boast about my Arab origins very blatantly, it could be a literal phrase (hearty chuckle). It actually has to do with the subliminal meaning behind that phrase. I feel that the desert, or the accumulation of sand, represents the never ending knowledge this world has to offer, and my purpose on here is to engulf into the infinite wisdom that can be gained, and decipher 'grains' of information for the world to digest. Knowledge is power, [cliche much] and the pursuit of knowledge is an advantage that no one in this world can take away from you.

This brings me to my next point: teaching. Now, with this information and knowledge I'm going to share or have shared with you, I have a personal and moral responsibility. It is to make sure to never contradict myself with what I preach and practice, and vice versa. If I do so, please correct me as I do not want to be a double-sided teacher, which is worse than a double-edged sword. And of course, the best teacher is the best learner. So, my hunger for data will never suffice what I have gained so far, and this will keep me motivated to keep going through this cycled process.

In terms of the adolescence phrase, well I put that there because of the direction I wanted to take this blog. I am on the brinks of adulthood, [in terms of age, not necessarily maturity] and so I am in no shape an adolescent anymore. I was thinking about taking back this blog through the critical points of my life and pulling out lessons learned from those situations. Hmm we'll see.

Individual in the system? Every being is trying to achieve the same exact thing in different contexts and ways: greatness. However, this system is not set up for that type of overhaul because of the great quantity and the possibility of lack of quality. A person might have the ambition to achieve something great, but they might not be composed of the proper qualities and traits to follow through. I am just another human with ambitions to beat the system so I can come out on top. You can just call me Rocky!

Absorption

2009-11-11T19:32:00.000-05:00

The birth of our life symbolizes a new beginning for our soul.

It's a new beginning because our ruh (soul) lived before the formation of our flesh and bones. So from here on out, our slate starts to chalk in the accumulation of events and our life begins in this world. We become like a sponge, absorbing everything from our surroundings and the people that raise us.

This year, I have wanted to clean my slate and start from scratch. I've picked up some good habits and dropped some unnecessary ones. It's an ongoing process, but I feel with the right spirits, I can make it through, inshAllah (God Willing). I've emptied out my sponge to start absorbing new characteristics and habits.

You can call this a stage of construction for my soul (hearty chuckle).

At first, I felt the best way to master this feat is to isolate myself from people who are not going to help me fulfill this purpose. I was sadly mistaken. You see, everyone in this world has a characteristic or a sense that is beneficial to their mere existence. Crossing off people from this so-called list of 'righteousness' is not just foolish, but it also makes me judgmental.

For example, take a gang member. Although most gangs are all about drugs, violence, vulgar activities, and alcohol, they do have a sense of brotherhood/sisterhood. Now, if we isolated all their negative aspects and focused on the fact that they will back you up against whoever, then it goes to show that benefits are plenty and detriments are bleak.

I'm not saying I'm going to be on the corner 'maxin, relaxin' with a couple of gang members deciphering their best qualities (hearty chuckle again), but it's an example to show that all constructive influences are welcome. In the end, I felt opening myself to my surroundings and absorbing the benefits around me would further help me pursue my goal.

So, I announce this to the whole world. I'm like an infant sponge, and I welcome all positive characteristics.

Sophomore slump

2009-11-08T17:32:00.000-05:00

So it's finally been established. You've ended up accomplishing one of the goals you've set out for yourself to achieve. The first post is in the books, and a sense of relief arises. However, here comes a dilemma. After the first take, it comes time to keep the effort going. Now that the world has gotten a taste of what's in store for them, they'll want a meal cooked with all the right ingredients to satisfy their hunger. All the endeavors, all the tools of success need to be stacked up to make this thing work for the long haul.

So, as I was relaxing on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon, I was contemplating on a few thoughts. Again, the flow of ideas were pouring in, and fortunately, I was able to grab a hold of one. I thought about where our eyes are focused on when we pray. For anybody unfamiliar with what I'm talking about, when Muslims are standing up for prayer, our heads are bent down and we look at either our feet or where our head will touch when we prostrate. Now, I might be thinking too deep into this, but this is quite symbolic not just for the apparent humility we display while standing in front of God, but also for what our eyes are gazing at: our feet.

The direction we are headed in life can be quite conspicuous by the direction our feet travel on a daily basis. Whether it is towards an educational institution, a mosque, a bar [Astag], or a place where leisurely activity takes place can determine whether the progress is positive or negative. Walking is an involuntary action, but our voluntary mental actions can stop us from slowly trekking towards disaster. Time is precious, and harboring unhealthy practices can deter our purpose and take away priceless opportunities. This isn't a rant towards all of you [believe me, I'm not cynical], but a reminder for myself as well. Practice what you preach so you're not a hypocrite and preach what you practice so you're a believer.

Cradle...

2009-11-07T20:40:00.000-05:00

The beginning of something is always difficult to fathom, especially when it comes to writing. The ideas and thoughts are flowing in your head like blood rushing through your heart, yet your mind cannot focus in on one idea. You want it to be something exceptional, something never endured before, something that the world will grace with awe. But, expectations are high and the deliverance is not as incredible.

My decision to delve into the world of blogging was one of two reasons. This year, I have done a LOT of thinking. And most of it led me to the belief that I was not impressed with the direction my life was headed towards. Whether it was spiritual, religious, social, or any other field of concern, my attitude towards my progress was disappointing. I decided it was time I do things that helped me grow in all those categories, to do things that fulfilled my pursuits of life, my goals, as well as my hobbies. Blogging is something I feel I want to dive into, something that will help me filter my thoughts that are rushing through my head.

Second reason I decided to was simply because someone I knew was blogging. A fellow blogger sparked this interest, [you know who you are, you're probably reading this] and the point they made was that, "There's always someone in the world who feels the same way as you." Quite an interesting finding if you ask me. Hey, if there is a trial or tribulation I go through, and my mere posting of the topic helps someone, then I feel it is a job well done. Besides, writing blogs on a daily basis might improve my knack of writing as well. lol

So I welcome the universe to my humble abode. From this point forward, I plan on building a virtual world, a world where my thoughts are expressed, ideas are portrayed, emotions are felt, and perspective is shared. I also do write lyrics as I am an avid hip-hop listener, [Lupe Fiasco is my favorite emcee, hands down] so I will share my thoughts in a lyrical position as well. So once again, come on in to this virtual scenario waiting to be built. Witness the growth of an adolescent.